Quoth Tim Shorkey <shorkey@raptor.csc.flint.umich.edu>:

I consider Santa's Beard to be a satirical look at life in general. You see, Santa Claus is considered by many to be the pinnacle of pureness and goodness. You can always trust Santa Claus, because he is good. Likewise, you can always trust your friend. Your friend is someone who is always there, someone who would never do anything to hurt you.

Well, in this song, his friend dresses up like Santa Claus to kiss the singer's wife. To me, this means that the singer has lost all faith in mankind. For surely, when Santa Claus and your best friend, two people who would never hurt you, co-conspirate to take away your wife, life has definitely taken a turn for the worst.

Also, another thought occurs to me. This song could perhaps be about a little kid's fear of the jolly fat man in red. Many children develop a fear of clowns; perhaps one of the Johns had a fear of Kris Kringle, and aired out his fear in this song.

Quoth Maira <alphaone@brutus.bright.net>:

This isn't so much an interpretation as an observation. Remember that kids' Christmas song "I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"? Well this is sort of like the same story only from the husband's point-of-view. Anyway, that's just a piece of slightly useless info I thought I'd just say.

Giantisms:

• A semantic shift takes place on "screaming." The two lines, though they sound parallel, are grammatically different.