Up the driveway, down the walk
Oh, Janet's hair is like her mom's
Who's got her own, but acts like something's
Different from the eyebrows up

Seems like only yesterday
Our D-I-V-O-R-C-E
I love you both and Yuletide is pure
H-E-double-L for me

And we just go nuts at Christmastime
That's when everything falls apart
We just go nuts at Christmastime
But it's another year before we're together again

Hi, this is John of They Might Be Giants
As you're driving down the highway at 100 miles an hour with your head wagging out the window,
We urge you, please, put down the phone

We just go nuts at Christmastime
That's when everything falls apart
We just go nuts at Christmastime
But it's another year before we're together

Again

Notes

The spoken part occasionally varies. Here is the Frank O'Toole version: Hi, this is John of They Might Be Giants and you're listening to the Frank O'Toole radio show on WFMU.
If you're driving in your car right now, we urge you to sit back, relax, close your eyes and drive really fast.